Lessons From the NICU

Not a day goes by that I don't look at my son, Andrew, and think back to the time of his birth. The panic, the fear, the worry...we all know worry is a sin don't we. However, I think God understands a mother's heart. He made us. While we are to trust Him, we're also human. We were only able to hold Andrew for a few moments before he was sent to the NICU. What was only supposed to be a few hours turned into almost 8 days. I couldn't hold him whenever I wanted. He wasn't in the room when I wanted him. He wasn't there when I needed him to be. He was off in his own little wing of the hospital which seemed MILES away. Definitely not how I planned on spending the birth of my fourth child. Please don't think I'm complaining. I'm not. I'm glad God gave us this experience. I've decided to list a few of those things that I learned while Andrew was in the NICU. Some I didn't even realize I had learned until recently but all the same I pray I never forget these.

1. Never ask "Why me?" I can honestly say that I never asked that question. I don't know why I didn't but I didn't. I kept asking, "Okay, what am I supposed to be learning here?!"

2. Someone always has it worse than you.

There were a dozen or more very VERY premature babies in that NICU. Tiny little things. They were obviously going to be there for a pretty long time. After seeing their parents sit at the side of their little beds, I realized that my problem wasn't so awful.

3. Trust God to take care of your children. Yes, I have trouble with this one still to this day. You don't have to be there to protect them from everything. You can't. God can take better care than you. Trust Him to do that!

4. Pray - often. I think I must have done more praying during those 8 days than any other time in my life. Disgraceful. Shouldn't we be going to God more than just in the bad times?

5. Look for answers to your prayers - Sometimes I pray and then I don't think about it again. Maybe I'm missing the answers to those prayers. I decided to start looking for those answers during this time. I prayed specifically in ways I had never prayed. I started seeing little answers. I believe it was God showing me He was there with Andrew just like I asked Him to be and letting me know He had everything under His control.

6. Life is short - and precious. There were a few moments I fully believed in my heart that I would never leave that hospital with my baby. Yes, that was me over-reacting but it was a real fear I had. Enjoy the moments. Enjoy the non-moments. Look for little things to store in your memory box of life. Things you can look back on and smile about. :) I know its silly but one of mine is I came in one night to see Andrew and he was in this strange little sleeper. It obviously wasn't one of mine but I had no idea where it came from! They had pulled it from the clean laundry because he apparently needed something to wear. Please, keep in mind this is a place that deals with TINY PREMATURE babies :). This thing was JUST big enough for almost 9 lb little Drew. It struck me as funny. :) (Yeah, I'm odd ;) )

7. My husband is, well, awesome. I used to think my hubby had no empathy at all. How wrong I was. When Andrew's heart problem showed up I just remember sitting at the side of his little bed and sobbing. The whole time Steve just sat there with his arm around me not telling me it would be okay or patting my shoulder or trying to make me hush....he just sat there with me. Quietly. I think trying to be strong for me and Andrew but I think inside he was scared. He never downplayed my feelings and my fears. I think I grew to love him more during that time.

I started thinking about all this a few months ago and maybe there's other things but I can't think of them. I just know I love my son and I'm so glad God chose to leave him with us. He has grown to be such a happy little guy. You would never know he was in the NICU hooked up to tubes and IV's and jaundiced. I feel blessed. And this is when I start to question, "Why me?" Why would God choose us when there are such dear parents out there losing their babies to premature birth, illness, cancer....why us? I don't feel worthy at all of such a blessing. There is a girl from Steve's home state of Michigan that lost her newborn son not long before Andrew was born. We prayed for her and her family so very much. She has a blog chronicling her experience. God's grace has been with her. She is now expecting a new little boy around the end of the year. I can't imagine having to go through that. I just know what my experience taught me and maybe you have an experience that you've been through that was an "Aha" moment in your Christian life where some things became very clear. I believe God brings us through some things to humble us, but to also show us that He loves us more than anything in this world and He definitely won't do anything that isn't in our best interest even though it seems difficult at the time. God loves me. God loves Andrew. Most of all, God loves you. Do you know Him? If not trust Him today. If you do know Him, will you let Him teach you some things?